It was the first time I ever saw you. No, it wasn't the first time I looked at you. But it was the first time that I ever saw you. The real you. The real me.
And for the first time, your gaze didn't scare me. It was always there. Oh yes, your gaze, was always there. Everyday. Everywhere. Everything I did, it was there, following me.
Everytime I brushed my teeth. Everytime I entered the elevator. Everyime I visited the toilets, at school. In the fitting rooms. Everywhere. It was always there. Staring at me. Judging me.
Hurting me. Abusing me. With a cold stare, full of gloat. Reminding me that I don't deserve anything and that I will never fit in. That I'm a failure. That I'm ugly. That I'm stupid.
And most of all, that I will never be loved... Afterall, who in their right minds would love a grotesque person, like myself..? And the weird thing is that I always wanted you to accept me.
I always wanted to accept you, too. I always wanted you to love me and I always wanted to love you,too. But you see, you didn't allow me to.
Or, should I say, I didn't allow you to,in a sick, selfpunishing kind of way. I have seen war, but your stare will always be the most terrifying thing I will ever encouter.
You ripped me of my childhood. Wouldn't allow me to go to the pool with the other kids because I was ''too fat''.
Couldn't go to school field trips because no one wanted to be my friend anyways, as you kept reminding me. You wouldn't even let me try to the school's soccer team. I was too weak.
You made me believe it! And when the time came for me to apply to College, you didn't allow me to. You were convinced I wouldn't be accepted. Instead, you wanted me to stay with you.
Taking care of you. Spending time with you. It made you feel strong you said. I was worthless you said. And I made you believe it. You had convined me that I needed you.
I couldn't live without you, you said. Yet, the few moments you left me, I felt strong. It was like a weak fire, getting stronger by the minute, savouring on the oxygen that gave me life.
But that wouldn't last long. The time to confront you was always close. You wouldn't let my fire get strong 'cause you knew that would burn you down.
If I were strong enough, I could confront you... I could overcome you. The reason you didn't want me free, is that you couldn't live without me.
You convinced me that I couldn't live witouht you, but that was a lie. It's you that needed me. That's why you convinced me to keep our relationship secret form the world.
It was between us, you said. And I believed you. I keptyou hidden, as if you didn't exist. And you were happy that no one knew about us. Now, I know why...
'Cause when I saw you looking at me for the first time, I understood. And I smiled at you. And for the first time, you smiled back. Of course you did. You're a mirror.