Something I still can’t seem to get over is how bright the flashing blues and reds are.
When I transcended down over the hill tonight to find the fire trucks and cop cars my stomach flipped and my heart hit the ground.
In an instant I was back in November running across my lawn with my mom. I was standing in the road looking at the mess that was an accident.
I saw my moms medical instinct kick as she dove into the wreckage. I froze, empty inside, standing in the middle of the road.
But then the car in front of me moved ahead down the hill and I was back. It might have only been a little fender bender, but then again someone could have hydroplaned.
It was after all raining cats and dogs. I couldn’t shake the feeling the whole drive home. I just kept picturing the lights and the glass, all while the sounds replayed in my mind.
The yelling, the 911 call, the names being called into the blackness as people ran around searching for bodies. It is something that will stick with me forever.
Something that has shaped me into who I am today. Because of it I love with all that I have and I take people very seriously. It’s as if I feel every emotion x4.
I make sure I put others first because you never know when you will see them again. I say I love you a lot, and I mean it every time.
I call my friends often, and I do everything in my power to be patient with everyone because you never know what someone is going through, or what their day has been like.
This whole experience has made me more understanding of others. I know that life isn’t easy. Sometimes it’s unfair and there is nothing that you can do about it.
Sometimes you just are going to have a shit day and that’s okay. It’s okay if you have nightmares, or have a broken heart, or are just having a sad day.
Because I swear if we ever cross paths, I’m gonna take the time to tell you that you matter.
You have a purpose here and you’re gonna make it through whatever it is that you are struggling with. I’ve been there, I’ve sat in that dark corner and cried until I couldn’t breathe.
I’ve been scared, I’ve felt complete and utter defeat, I’ve felt like everything was hopeless.
But I also know that in the end, once you catch that glimpse of light, once you taste love and happiness, even in the smallest form, it makes it that much easier to stand up.
It took a long time to get myself to where I am today. I am not in that dark place anymore. I know that life is worth the living.
My favorite thing that I have experienced in life so far since that low was love. Love is the purest emotion that I have ever felt.
I have never felt so 100% sure about any decision as I have when I feel love for someone.
What I mean by this is that if someone called me at midnight and needed my presence, needed me, I would get in my car and drive the two hours just to be with them.
Just to sit, to listen, to be there. I wouldn’t even think twice about the gas, or the time, or what I was doing the next day, I would just go. I think I appreciate closeness most of all.
I like the physicality of being there with someone. I don’t care who you are or how long we have known each other, if you’re upset I’m going to hug you until you stop crying.
I’ll walk and hold your hand while you tell me all of your fears. Just let me help you, let me hold you, let me make you feel safe.
Bury your head in my shirt and just breathe, I can’t promise that everything will be okay, but I can promise that I will be by your side the whole way through.
I swear when I meet the one someday, they are gonna be cared for for life. They won’t ever have to be alone, never have to go a day without feeling loved.
I swear I have so much love to give and that is all thanks to my past and all the things that have happened to me up until this point.
Life is so so short, love often and whole-heartedly while you have the chance. You never know who’s life you’ll change by doing so.