Take a step back. Look at your life..... (sure, I doubt you'll do that before you finish reading this).
It takes years.
Simply put, there's the answer you were looking for (in the long run), but for now, I hope you're still curious -- if not,
too bad (for you) and good luck locking your attention into the next TV show that doesn't satisfy your soul needs.
You think reading this is tough? I'm the one putting my soul out on a limb to communicate with you in a fashion that doesn't appear "too into myself."
So here, plain and simple. I come before you with a promise. By the time you're done reading this "rant" you'll be happier. HA (no seriously tho, I hope it works).
You are where you are and that's where you begin. Forget the past. STOP YOUR DAMNED-IST to ignore the future (i.e. your pipe dreams that keep you going) and keep on reading.
No, I'm not selling you something, piss off.
No, I'm not an asshole, nor am I perfect, nor do I know it all, nor do I _____ (insert blank), BUT, and a big but here, I know something you don't.
I know who I am and while this slippery slope seems sloppy and full of ridiculous stupidity, I fully accept that that is and that this is -- humanity.
All my fallacies, all my mistakes, misconceptions, turmoil, gratitude, lucky, faith, forgetfulness. You name it; we are it and thank GOD for words. (sometimes).
Stop living your life praying for a change. I know it sucks; I know this sucks, but stop. Let's start from the beginning. Just imagine you know nothing (good fucking luck), but say you do.
Those dreams you hope for are all pepped up because society programmed you to think so... Yada yada yada. No, I'm not another self-help guru. Seriously.
No matter what background you come from, no matter who you are... at some point, someone told you some shit that stuck.
Maybe they told you, you had to use a fork to eat, maybe they told you blue is better -- in all reality, someone told you something that is completely irrelevant in your life,
yet still resonates deep inside you. (I'll let you figure that part out later).
For one moment, accept ignorance. Accept that you know nothing and that you are controlled by everything -- so what's that supposed to mean? PAUSE.
If you can find a real PAUSE button in your life, imagine what that could do for you.
Oh, shit ton of traffic on the way to work PAUSE, a fucked up argument PAUSE, a terrible night sleep that you wish could last forever PAAAAAAUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSEEEEEE.
It's not impossible, just improbable. You are a burning candle melting down and you'll eventually fade away, but believe it or not; you can pause. And I mean it.
When is the last time you sat and did nothing (on purpose)? Did you actually do nothing or did you whistle? Maybe you bit your nails? Thought about your feet? Health failing?
Sexual desires? What?
$50 (and I mean it) Fifty bucks goes to the first person who tells me they sat and did "Nothing." recently.
I say this because you're programmed to do.
If you weren't you wouldn't give a shit about $50 and most likely you'd be so invested on a path towards knowing yourself, that this message would make you laugh before you got back to it.
Again, no I'm not perfect -- ---- BUT I am happy, and I cannot think of a day that has passed in the last 5 years that I have not been happy.
These pearly whites have been exposed so much that a psychologist friend of mine had thought I'd gone crazy (but in reality, she was the one who needed someone to talk too <- I get it,
life's tough enough just trying to deal with you who are, let alone trying to "fix" other people).
So lets take a step back.
Go plop a chair down outside and sit by yourself for as long as you can. If you get bored, keep going. Distracted, keep going. Sit in the sun in the morning and with the moon at night.
Light a candle and stare at it. Pray... I don't care. But realize that the only path towards yourself is through the heaps of silence that it takes to get there...
You have to do nothing to know who you are. Only through stillness can you connect with your true motion.
I love to rant, it's what I do when I'm not sitting with my inner self trying to discover a higher truth. But it comes easy. It comes with its own flogging.
This is my way of shouting at my ego to get my "own" shit together and strive to do nothing again. To sit in silence. To sit with nature.
To realize that I am connected to it all and yet still so small. I strive to be humble. Independent. Free. Outside of all the bullshit that keeps us all bogged down.
My escape from everything without leaving the city.
Our perception of the world is bullshit and we need to lay quietly in it for a while until the truth prevents itself.
(Even if you are laying in shit and everything is terrible -- all of that is okay if you know who you are).
So I say to you. To the love from me to you. To all the love that is bottled up inside of you.
If you want to be happy. Just sit for as long as you can stand... By yourself.
Let go of the past, your parents, family -- all the things you know and create something new out of nothing -- a deep nothingness.
Today I died on the edge of my dreams and for the first time I felt okay with it.
It's okay, everything is okay, and yes there are loads of things worth fighting for, but first you need to find all the love of who you are and then take that to the next level.
It will make you invincible and from there, you can change the world.