i'm fine
  •   1 comment

Autoplay OFF  •  9 months ago

i'm fine

by anna

I wish I could stop myself from crying.

Find a way to stop these tears from streaming down my face.

They don't even realize they're hurting me.

They think they're making harmless comments, it's not their fault I can't handle it.

So I turn away.

Because I don't want them to feel guilty because what they said probably wasn't that bad, I'm just overreacting. Right?

Sometimes, it's not even other people.

I just get in my own head and I can't find a way out and why am I crying I should not be crying I need. To stop. Crying.

Maybe I should let someone know.

Tell them what's happening, ask for advice, let them tell me it's okay.

But I know that I wouldn't believe what they're telling me.

They probably just pity me. Why am I burdening them with my problems? They didn't ask for this. There's no reason I need to drown them with my sorrow. They don't need to suffer for my problems.

So I keep myself quiet.

When I feel the tears coming, I turn away, I don't let them see my face.

And I force the tears away.

When my eyes are finally dry, I turn back to them and force a smile.

"Are you okay?"

They seem like they care, but they're probably just faking it. Why would anyone care for me? I don't deserve them.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine."

But I'm not, and I wish I could tell them that, but I don't know how.

I'm fine.

Except maybe I'm not.

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bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
9 months agoReply
This a very real description of clinical depression. You did an admirable job of elucidating the dark matter. Are you getting treatment? There are drugs and counseling that can make it better. Great job!!!