Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ocd stories
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animorbid
animorbid shelly | 22 | lesbian | scorpio
Autoplay OFF   •   4 months ago
a poem about driving and having ocd. i wrote this during a writer's retreat this weekend!

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

All I have to do is go around the corner

To the other entrance to the parking lot

This should be easy

Driving is easy

I pull up to the road and look both ways

And horror strikes me to my core

The street isn't empty

My knuckles turn pale as I grip the steering wheel

Like a cross to keep myself from shaking

My foot is on the gas pedal

The direction that this 3,000 pound machine goes

Is under my control

I lose control of my breath

I pull out onto the street

Swerve into the left lane

My mind says

There's a family next to you

A mother singing along to the radio

A father stressing about his job

A little girl playing video games in the back

Next to her baby brother, still in a car seat

Their lives are fragile

My mind tells me

Slaughter them

I stop at the stop sign and look both ways

Humans are made of paper and glass

They collapse and shatter in a gentle breeze

And with this car I am Prospero

I can call tempests

I can crush their ribcages

Beneath the weight of metal and horsepower

Even if mother and father live

They must live with the empty space

Left behind by their much more tenuous children

I am collapsing under the weight of the power I hold

I am overwhelmed with visions of what I could do

What I might do

What I fear I will do

I turn the corner

I want to reach into my skull

And rip my brain free from its cavity

I do not want it to control me

I have no power over these obsessions

Despite the cocktail of medications I am prescribed

Despite the therapy

The conditioning

I can always pull the steering wheel

These intrusive thoughts will always infect me

They spread from my head to the rest of my body like a disease

I am sick

I pull back into the parking lot

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