I sat on the cold hard plastic rimmed booth. My mind racing with topics to talk about with you. My legs are bouncing like i’m breaking concrete.
“Anything i can get you sweetie?” the waitress asks me. Her red outlined lips gum smacking.
“Uhhh yeah can i get a coke” my brown eyes looking down at the menu. Trying to avoid eye contact. She clicks the end of a pen with her long thin wrinkly thumb. And writes in her notepad.
“Anything else?” she raises her thin waxy eyebrows.
“no , i'm waiting for someone. They should be here soon.” i say my eyes looking up at her wrinkled lips. She nods her head. Her short thinning red hair bouncing. She walks away.
I remember the day you left. You and mom said you were getting a divorce. You sat us down. Your arms around each other. Mom was a mess.
She said “me and your dad have been talking and we both want you to know this isn’t about you this is about us. Sometimes” she sighs. Taking a deep breath closing her eyes.
You two look at eachother.
“Sometimes things just happen” a tear streams down her cheek. She holds onto my dads hand.
“Now me and your mom still love each other and we still love you. We’ve just decided it’s best for us to be apart. “ my sister morgan is quiet and looking at the ground.
“I understand but can i go to my room” she says her fists are clenched. The next moment i hear the door slam. I on the other hand am confused.
“Seperated? Why? We were just fine? There was nothing wrong!” i think to myself. a boiling feeling takes over my chest. “Was? Was it me?” i think. Panic sets in.
the voices say “of course it was. Why wouldn't it be you?” they say in unison. Echoing through my ears. “I’m going outside” i run as fast as i can out the door and down the steps.
To me and my best friend kaiya’s oak tree.
“your ugly no one would want you. You should just die” the whispers become shouts. Overtaking my brain. “I should die.” i repeat over and over. Hyperventilating i can't breathe.
“Why did you leave me!”i scream in the middle of the restaurant. My figure abruptly standing up. I see everyone staring at me. There piercing eyes feel like the ones in middle school. I cough.
My face red i shift my eyes side to side trying not to cry. “Excuse me!” i yell with my head down. Going to the bathroom. I lock myself inside a filthy stall. I sit on the toilet.
Taking deep breaths. Crying. I remember the times you beat me. You touched me with your filthy hands. Images of you hitting morgan in front of me. Her figure shielding me.
I remember hiding in closets.
Locking myself in a bathroom at one point just to protect myself from you!” Your such a monster! I tried to protect you but all you wanted to do was hit me!”i felt that flame in my chest. Rage.
My legs are a chaotic mess. I can’t breath. I text morgan. “I can’t do this” i say to her. I cover my mouth with my hand to hide the noise. “Yes you can.
Your not the same laura you were back then. Your a strong independent woman. You've got this.” she texts. I take deep breaths calming myself. It takes a few minutes. But eventually i calm down.
I wipe my tears, fix my make up, and walk back out there. I see you sitting at the booth. With your new perfect family.
Angie your new girlfriend, with her thin small body and long brunette hair. With your new baby daughter in a pink car seat.
And you sitting there with greasy hair, cargo shorts, and a big holy T-shirt. . You all look how we did. I take a deep breath again.
Walking up to you i sit back down at the booth my coke on the table. “Hey sorry i needed a minute” i smile as if everything's all right but it’s not.
“It's all right munchkin you doin’ okay?” you ask me. Your green hazel eyes and thick blocked eyebrows scrunching. I know you care. And that's why this hurts.
Because everyday i know you'll do the same thing to my half sister that you did to me. And i know you feel remorse, but you just don’t know. And you won't ever know. Cause you won't get help.
And thats why im so hurt dad. You won't get help. You'll never be here for me on my wedding day? Or my twenty first birthday.
If i ever have kids you'll never meet them because i don't trust you. We’ll never have the same relationship we used to. You didn’t try dad.
For anyone! You just left and gave up! Well i won’t be you. I realized that a long time ago. I realized that i will work ten times harder To be ten times better the person you were.
“Hey dad” i say to him a smile to him
“Yeah laura beth”
“I Think i'm finally starting to forgive you.”