Take a deep breath...
Attempt to redirect your focus to something good. Something happy.
Distract yourself from that horrible feeling. Stay busy, remain aware of your hospitable yet terrifying surroundings, Avoid your triggers at all costs.
You don't want to go back there. To that place where the imaginary constructs that you've created in your mind, intermingle with the peaceful reality you fight so hard to maintain.
Because when that happens it could cause your fragile world to crumble.
Your mind is flooding with thoughts you can't control, Ideas you can't fathom, And awful fantasies that would break you, should such things transpire.
So you attempt, like you have every day since the seventh grade, to control your surroundings.
You avoid social gatherings, and booming noises that make the ringing in your ears return with a fury. You take care to step away when you feel tears welling and your breath catching.
Breathe in... Breathe out...
Anxiety can't win today. You can't let it. Atleast not in front of everybody.
So you go to your room, and lean against the door. A river of tears flow from your tired eyes.
Your lungs, carrying the weight of all the things you can't control, become overwhelmed and you find yourself in a fit of hyperventilation.
You nervously scratch at the hem of your long sleeved shirt. And you know that once you've reached this point, when anxiety has begun its vicious attack, the only way out is through.
But once its over and the damage is done, you begin to think straight again.
And sometimes that's the part that stings the most.
Because that's when you have to come to terms with the fact that this is your life.
That day or two after every anxiety attack, when your body is sore and your mind is recovering, that's when you have to make your peace with it.
But not before your thoughts wander to a simpler time,
When life was as simple as jumping off the swing set at your local park, just to get a whiff of what it might feel like to fly. And now, years later, I can't imagine ever feeling so fearless...