I miss you, and that's the question i ask myself every day why should i miss you,
should i miss the headaches of fighting and worrying about what's gonna happen when you pop the white pill into your mouth one after another?
Why should i miss you when you got in the car both of you drunk and drugged up smashed into a pole seconds away from being paralyzed from the waste down with no recollection of what went
down that night as family, friends, and me stand around you caring that you could of been gone but yet you still swallowed those pills?
I remember the horrific sound of those stupid pills clicking together in your pocket when i was always with you i hated the fact that you wouldn't stop even for me,
why should i miss you when you were high in some other world on your pills i like to think it wasn't you that night that the devil entered your body like the light has shut out in your mind
and left nothing but a pit of darkness as you continuously punched my legs and arms as you laughed as raw tears rolled down my cheeks.
Why should i miss you when i would have my panic attacks as if a heavy weight was crushing my lungs struggling with short breathes hands shaking all the way up to my shoulder as if i
wasn't fully there yet you made a face and told me to suck it up as you left the room and your cousin sat with me steadying my breathing?
why should i miss you when a day of celebration you get so drunk you call me names that still hurt today you left bruises on my arms and used force on me that i was so scared that i had no
where to go and all you friends just stood there watching i crawled into your bed crying and shaking and you screamed at me that i was nothing but a cry baby?
Why should i miss you when we would spend nights together and you'd leave me for hours to go smoke with your "buddies"?
Why should i miss you when you treated me like dirt when i have been there for you for everything yet you'd bend over backwards for your "friends" who weren't there yet they could do
no wrong and you put them first? Why should i miss you when i wouldn't being feeling so good and you would pressure me to sleep with you?
Why should i miss you when you called me stupid, a idiot, dumb, that i didn't know anything trying to over power me as if you were smarter then me?
Why should i miss you when things started to change for the better you stopped the pills and you started to be nicer but we both had issues and we needed time to work on ourselves and you
did that and moved forward with out me said the words that still play over and over in my head that you didn't love me anymore the broken promises of a future and family left behind.
So tell me why i break down day after day blaming myself for the faults you did, wanted us back,
tell me why i can't function right without having to look up and swipe my tongue across my teeth to stop the tears in public places?
Tell me why it took me months to finally erase any trace of you in my gallery and room? Tell me why it feels so empty on the inside and as if i never will be good enough for anyone?
Tell me why i can't just erase you from my heart?