Disconnected, I feel. Restricted in my own body- On the outside looking in. I feel disconnected.
A balloon blocked from transcending- By a ceiling of expectations. Darkness surrounds me, seeping to break the peace I have found. The signal breaks and the view is filled with static, white noise screams. The ability to move is no longer mine, as control is shifted away from me. The thought is crucifying but can't escape from echoing in my mind. The world ends as my finger tremble over the trigger. But the choice is no longer mine to make and is already done.
Disconnected, I feel disconnected.
Feelings elude me as the sense of love escapes me. The word becomes meaningless as I say it more and more. Its trivial nature confuses me. Though I care; do I love. I’ll say it without meaning it to fit in. Happiness is unknown but sadness is too. Anger is little, but numbness is more. I’d say it upsets me or hurts me; but what does that mean.
In the end- I am disconnected.
I feel no fear, some would praise it- Others would fear it in itself. I fear not death, nor welcome it so, nor wish upon my family sorrow. Death waits sickle in hand; I blink not when he calls upon me. He takes my hand in his, promising the sweet release. Release from the tethers holding me to my body, release from the thoughts that circle in the void of myself. Release from the world that moulds you into what they want. Their view of perfection.
I want to be disconnected. Restricted in my community. On the outside looking in. I feel disconnected.