I close my eyes to see a better point of view
Because opened wide It's a kaleidoscope, of unrefined hues.
It's just vacant space, NSA, am I okay--
If I allow myself to let you fill a part you're bound to play?
The struggle isn't the absence of your touch,
It's knowing that my love never seems to be enough,
But I accept that fourth of you, sad but true, it's what I do, anxious of the missing parts that never make it through.
Who took all my oxygen?
I'm gasping heavy, Im barely breathin'
I used to be fine with a good time,
But a good time doesn't equate to a long time,
And if I told you...
If I told you
That I love you, that I need you,
Would I lose the parts you give away?
Would I recede, retract, when I say;
I'm not okay, not okay, not okay;
With just a bust every some day.
I think it's stupid, others say resilient
But the feelings feel absence, my heart was full consent,
And you didn't know... that I lied.
I agreed to empty promises, signed in lack of common sense,
The dotted line says both our names, it's just a game, and I'm to blame
For being broken.
I agreed to feel broken, I allowed myself to be soft spoken.
I deserve it, because I asked for it.
I asked for too little, because it seemed like too much,
I begged for affection, a quick fuck, a touch,
To feel something, anything, please.
So I ache. That's all this is.
Ache and hurt, despair that I put there.
For one fourth of you.
I did all this for one fourth of you.
You know, this bed never felt so comfortable...
I sink, never swim, I succumb to the polyester blend that wraps me in an embrace that says, "you belong here"
I tried, I tried so hard to cut the ties.
But I craved the intimacy that made this fantasy a sight of reality that you loved me.
You love the Idea of me loving you, and I love the idea of you thinking the same, but it's not the same.
So yeah, I lied.
I may have signed my name and played along,
But this mental breakdown, this dark cloud, proves I was wrong.
Never about you, but about the circumstance in which I asked to have you.
I've loved you every day and as for you, I know it's the same.
But right now, all I feel is incomparable pain.
We've tested the waters and we know that is manageable, reliable, and all together suitable to be together.
And yet, That's not what we agreed.
And If I share with you my greed,
Would you run away with speed,
Knowing that you cannot commit the need
Required to love me.
I am worth receiving all parts of you,
But am content with just one.
And when that's gone.. I'll thank myself for the hurt.