Your daily dose of sarcasm (Ep.2)
Your daily dose of sarcasm (Ep.2) satire stories
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alkali_kel1ie
alkali_kel1ie A human with an overactive imagination.
Autoplay OFF   •   2 months ago
You didn't think I was gonna do it again, but I did, so joke's on you.

Your daily dose of sarcasm (Ep.2)

You didn't think I was gonna do it again, but I did, so joke's on you.

Some of the weirdest and funniest stuff I've ever seen are ads.

Weird because content creators make especially bad transitions when introducing sponsors and some of these ad creators simply have no creativity,

and funny because there is nothing easier to roast than ads.

Take your average Groove ad.

I don't know if any of you have seen those, but I have been shown the same ads dozens of times.

There's like no imminent need for me to get some sort of ring (that's what they sell) or watch bands (also what they sell, and I don't wear watches).

It's so easy to roast those ads I can make myself laugh.

Like in one ad they legit have this woman pretend to be the mother of some children (because they had some obviously fake screaming scenes in there) who sits down at some random couch

saying "Hey ladies, we need to talk" (I'm not even a lady?

) and then explaining how men take off their rings and how we should give them a Groove ring instead because it's breathable and everything.

But like, why do you need a ring in the first place if you're going to get an expensive piece of plastic as a substitute?

I don't know about you, but I sort of have some common sense that tells me you're going to sweat under no matter what if you put a ring on your finger.

Did you know there's a great alternative called "not buying a ring"?

The tradition apparently only started in 1477, and poor people back in those days obviously had no money to get expensive rings anyways.

It's only now that we spend a bunch of time hunkering over pieces of stone thinking it's valuable.

Like IT'S A PIECE OF CARBON GUYS, WHAT'S SO SPECIAL???

The only difference between that couple-thousand-dollars-per-carat diamond and that 10 dollar bag of charcoal is that one has a different atom structure,

and that same thing had a huge monopoly controlling its prices for a hundred years or so.

This is why you read books, because even if you don't remember what you learned, you can remember some traces of what you learned and use the magic of the Internet to search it up.

And it's not just things like Groove. I have ads on the sidebars and stuff about some Internet celebrity named Lele Pons and apparently some "secret life" of hers.

It's really just a huge sob story with no real value and the comments section is a lot funnier than any comedic videos she mainly makes anyways.

And that's also according to the comments section because I'm too lazy to watch her videos.

And being the nice person I am, I spent 10 minutes writing a long comment to reprimand her for the vids. No need to thank me, just like the comment if you see it. It's extraordinarily long.

And what better way to close off today's episode by blasting Internet ads.

Anyone get Optimum ads before? Because I sure have, even though I have Optimum already.

The ads have no actual structure, just something random happening, and some weird items in the house managing to suddenly speak and talk about gigspeed.

"Hey, I'm a bowl of pasta!"

"Don't worry, he has gigspeed."

"Oh no, I'm late for school!"

"Don't worry, she has gigspeed."

What, gigspeed gonna make you move faster or something?

Because I'm paying extra right now for working Internet when playing video games.

What a wonderful world this is. Capitalism everywhere at its finest. Ads and more ads is the only way a free service's creators get paid, huh?

Be reminded that humans are the worst. Thank you and have a wonderful day.

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