Your daily dose of sarcasm (Ep.1)
Your daily dose of sarcasm (Ep.1) satire stories
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alkali_kel1ie
alkali_kel1ie A human with an overactive imagination.
Autoplay OFF   •   2 months ago
Ok guys-- I'm really bored these days, and I have a ton of free time. What better way to spend it than to write some garbage? And so here it is:

Your daily dose of sarcasm (Ep.1)

Ok guys--

I'm really bored these days, and I have a ton of free time. What better way to spend it than to write some garbage? And so here it is:

Your daily dose of sarcasm, unabridged and unedited. (Only if there are safety concerns)

Personally, I don't really read the news.

Do any of you?

There's nothing more fun than hearing about plans world leaders want to introduce, and then have all your wasted energy trying to read the article be wasted,

as then it quickly fades out of the spotlight.

There's also the fact that I don't really have time for that kind of stuff.

Ironic considering that now I do.

But since we are doing some sort of news broadcast (Interjection: This was in a make-believe news channel in Discord), we should watch some news.

But then there's the realization that every single news channel tells a different story.

It feels like the only thing that really unites news channels these days is some sort of big breakthrough, as if we have that in America anymore.

So "breaking news" and "big breakthroughs" these days are really just a ton of drama.

I mean, just go on Apple News.

Those headlines are increasingly brain dead, because the most important news we have right now are about coronavirus, but when coronavirus doesn't produce any news,

there's nothing to report because coronavirus doesn't allow people to do much.

Contrary to popular belief, Americans actually want their lives and an overwhelming amount of them support stay-at-home orders.

It's really all those protestors and relatively small amounts of ignorant people who don't care, but of course they're the ones on the headlines.

And look, not protesting Black Lives Matter, but as I've said before, we keep protesting like this we won't have black lives or any lives, for that matter.

Then does it even matter? (I know, tongue twister, huh?)

Back to the headlines. Have you guys actually looked?

"States tighten rules as U.S. coronavirus cases surge"

"You won't believe what Trump said about coronavirus testing"

"America's jobless are about to lose their $600-a-week lifeline"

Come on! What, are we all braindead? We know there's a problem here, but spreading clickbait stories isn't going to do much.

We kind of need a summary of what is going on, not just that "corona cases are surging". There's no longer so much "stuff" inside news articles.

it's like reporters want to just do their jobs and get paid.

We know there is a problem, but thing is, no one is doing anything about it.

It seems like the further human evolution and technology progresses, the more cold-hearted and uncaring we are.

I hear about all sorts of plans leaders are going to make (well, not really), and that's great, but I don't think I hear that much about whether it gets passed.

And for those of you calling me ignorant, please consider why some average person like me can't get access to information about the country I live in.

When I was in school, there were teachers, and there still are, that don't want us to talk about politics, but if we can learn about politics from hundreds of years ago,

why can't we do the same for today's politics?

Why is it that these days you can get injured for talking about politics, and why is it that every single thing has to involve politics?

And another thing that also perplexes me is the reelections.

Politicians work years ahead to get reelected, but what's the point of getting reelected if you're spending all of your first term trying to get reelected?

Millions are spent on political ads, much more than what politicians actually get paid.

Maybe they'll do a bunch of Ted-Ed talks once their terms are done or something. But honestly, I still don't see the value in that.

If you do actual stuff that the citizens like, there's nothing stopping you from getting reelected.

Oh wait, that doesn't work.

Callback to earlier when we said that often people don't read the news or don't care.

And let's point out the fact that most newspapers are partisan these days, even if they don't want to admit it

So what are we going to do?

Of course, just sit here and watch the world end or heal itself.

Be reminded that humans are the worst. Thank you and have a wonderful day.

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