Thought Dump: What I want to say.
Thought Dump: What I want to say. intrusive thoughts stories

alisasapphire2 Writer, Artist, Animator, Fandomer
Autoplay OFF   •   2 years ago
This is basically a letter to my ex. Thing i want to send - but i just am to scared cause i feel like -'ll block me and i'll have even less of - then i already have and i don't think i can bare that at the moment.
I have been trying to get these thoughts out in my journal but i just for some reason cant. i just never do so here it is.
If - for some reason reads it, then tell me. answer this. I would loooooove to go back to at least what we had before of talking ever other week or something, but idk if i can bare it.

Thought Dump: What I want to say.

I know i got mad but do you blame me? Imagine you were in my place, wouldn't you done the same? I'm still pissed but its for more than just that night now. It is so much fucking more now.

I got mad cause I was working so hard to keep you and had been for about 6-7 months? My mum didn't know we were even talking. I lied to her constantly for you. I got good at lying cause of that probably. Felt more natural after a while.

Then i got mad that 4 days later you had a "date?" It felt like you planned you dropped me for him. If you told me that maybe i wouldn't have been angry at you. I had lost my heart and i hoped to god i could brutally murder you because of it. I had plans.

Like i said, you should be happy you're in Minnesota.

Then you fucked on the second date and i couldn't take your new life anymore. I had to unfollow you everywhere or else i would have actually killed myself or something.

I had to get a journal cause i knew my mental health was declining ever second i thought of you. I couldn't write you anymore.

The worst was when you unfollowed me cause i know everything was done, or something. I know i did it first but like i have a feeling you did it so so sooo much longer before me just cause.

I have tried to convinve myself that this is fine. Like you weren't the right one. But then i make the pros in argument to your cons and i wonder what was wrong and it was all me.

I'm sorry i cant run away to you. i sorry my parents would literally get so mad if i ran away. I'm sorry we for some reason were probably never going to Minnesota. I'm sorry that you never asked my plans for the future.

Ideal was Ringling, then finding you. If i couldn't get into that then something art in Minnesota till i got in. College in state was a last resort. You know the plan already for without you. 18 cats in an apartment. With you was gonna last forever for me.

I have lost so much respect for you. I actually had my friend get mad at me cause i was so done i was gonna call you Emily from now on cause you didn't deserve my respect anymore.

I question if you ever actually loved me or if everything was a lie.

I'm so lost now. I had someone to talk to constantly who made me smile and i enjoyed every second. even when you were typing i missed you.

I would have never admitted it probably but i missed you constantly. It just sucks that you gave up so quickly

I would do anything for the end of June and early July 2018 to be back and last for my whole lifetime.

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