I’ve given up

I told myself that I was finished

I stayed up till 4am just to do well on the test

I stayed up till 2am before because I actually couldn’t sleep

I told myself that I was going to win

I figured it was my last pageant

Then all the good feelings washed away

“The winner is contestant #1”

And my heart thought it was supposed to be 5 but no

I lost because she knew them.

And I cried for hours

I tried so god damn hard because I felt it was my last

I still have some months to decide but I still think it is my last

I feel bad but I am giving up for mentality, not material