I struggled this morning...
The last book I wrote took two days, locked in my house, to complete. It was a story of my past and how I succeed. Content was more like review of the previous 8 years of my life.
Guided by 'higher powers' I allowed my fingers to GO.
I felt in those two days that I was focused, clear and unstoppable. Really, I wanted clarity on a spiritual message I had received over the weekend...my 'spiritual calling.'
I typed my heart out trying to PROVE myself TO myself
When you get the "call" it's not for you to PROVE anything. It's for you to surrender! But I didn't. So I spent two full days with fingers moving as fast as they'd go to write the book.
Somehow I thought that writing a book would prove my worth
But Rev. Michael Beckwith says, "God doesn't call the qualified, God qualifies the called." Needless to say, the book didn't change my self worth. It taught me I COULD get out of my own way.
3 months later, I died. I needed to be taken out to KNOW!
During the moments of crossing over in death, I saw and heard God. It was nothing like I expected it to be but helped me to understand my truth. Nothing ever dies or is born, we simply ARE.
So here I sit on the dawn of a new era in my life
I'm being called to write a new book. This time, not in spite or to prove my worth and I feel a bit of human resistance... THIS is why I am creating this story- to get straight with myself!
To remember the gift of life that I've been given
And to hold myself accountable to the masses. It's in this moment that I remember why I was called and what I am meant to do here. When I'm shaking in my shoes, it's faith that heals me.
Alpha female tendencies had always been strong within me
Yet, through my transformations, I've become a peaceful, loving, compassionate being. While the fire was soothed, it never died. I'm realizing it's dying for evolved, creative expression.
And so, with renewed passion and reframed thought
I dig deep, surrender, allow Spirit to write this book through me, and let the flames of transformation blaze within my heart. This book is for the masses, but really a self call-out.
Today is the day. The day I let the Alpha back in...
Balance time! It's up to HER, as my Higher Self, the aspect of me that makes me ME, to write this book and show me what I'm truly capable of. No more holding back or stopping the flow.
Because it's the vulnerability that makes a good writer...
And I'm ready to pour it all out.