No one knows me; I don't think anyone ever will. My closest friends don't know me, the ones that see me talk and move and live every single day. My family, my own blood, doesn't know me.
As much as I come across as someone who is independent, who is confident, who doesn't give a shit, I sometimes feel alone. Isolated. Nowhere to go, no one to see, nothing to look forward to.
Directionless. Pointless. Worthless.
Despite all of this, I do know who I am. Most people's struggles involve them trying to find themselves, but I've always known who I am. Maybe that's the kicker.
I know who I am and nobody else knows who they are. What they want, who they want, where they want to go. This is their beautiful, passionate, scary adventure that they're walking through.
I never had this adventure. I've never known this adventure. I've never needed to. Maybe this is why I've always ended up alone.
Maybe I'm too strong in who I am. Too big. Too bold. Too much. I'm too much for other people. They don't know how to handle this bomb that I am, so they don't. That's okay.
I don't want people to hold me up if I'm too heavy. I don't want to be a burden to anybody.
Maybe I'm alone because the only people I've ever identified with are temporary. Fading, fleeting souls. The old souls, the deep souls, the dark souls.
The ones who are troubled by something, different things, but the same monsters. The ones that will destroy themselves before they destroy others. Maybe I'm one of those people.
Maybe I'm alone because I run with the bomb to make sure it doesn't touch anybody else.
I am alone. But I am strong. And I am determined. I'm okay with my identity. I'm proud of it. I look behind me, and no one is there. It reminds me that I've made it here on my own.
It reminds me that I can thrive and survive without a single soul pushing me forward. It reminds me that I am enough. I am full and complete and strong and I am enough.
You are too.