Young and dumb in love
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alexbillard
alexbillardCommunity member
Autoplay OFF  •  4 months ago
Love story from a young man that has never experienced a type a love like this.... he’s stuck between a rock and hard place

Young and dumb in love

Young, dumb and in love

So here I am at 2:24 am still away for the 4th night In a row.... 4 days before I leave for the military BMQ. I’m dating the most amazing person...

I know it sounds so typical “dating the most amazing person” but I have no words for her! She’s the world to me!

Before her I felt so empty so depressed I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of my city and start a new life far the hell away From here...

then I met this girl a cold winter night! On tinder mind you I liked someone else at the time! I was drunk and happy messaged her with the confidence of a drunk man hahaha!!

It sparked a good convo and we chatted all night I found out the next day she would be moving to Paris in 3 days so I naturally stop talking to her but still had her contact !!

Well some how we started to talk again after she got there! And within a week we were talking from start of my day to the end....

she would wake up at 2 am her time just to talk to me after work and I would stay up till 2 until she had to go for the morning...

I never met this girl! But she made me happy with the life I once said was terrible... I once wanted to leave and run away cause well she loved me for it....

here I am for weeks talking to her early mornings till late night, writing poems for her, calling her butterfly!

not a clue to my life that I liked her but maybe I didn’t no but I didn’t want to tell myself!

I convinced myself to buy a ticket to see her and in February I did that but something happened days before my flight....

my brother got sick and I didn’t go! My heart was hurting cause of him and secretly cause I missed out on my chance to meet her and I thought she would stop talking to me...

I naturally pushed her away like I did with everyone when I get afraid but.... she didn’t take no she stuck with me and still treated me like gold even after canceling....

even after pushing her away....

I felt so much appreciation for her I Never been this accepted by someone I continued to talk to her and told a lie saying I had another ticket for April but I didn’t have enough money!

I was so scared about losing her even tho I didn’t know I liked her.... I worked my ass off 6 days a week full time shifts! Nicole and dimes! But I was still so unsure of going now....

Would this amazing girl really like me .... if I went would she look at me the same in person!! What if we don’t like each other in person and what we have now is gone...

I had to do it I booked my ticket and we continued on for the next month growing closer... when she was down she would call me crying I would comfort her and we cried together about life...

we both needed each other... then game time to meet this girl... I never have been to Paris before I boarded a plane to Paris so scared and excited!! When I got to Paris I was so sick ...

from all the stress here I am about to cancel on her in the hostel in Paris but something told me not too! Don’t do it!

You need to see her and then came the text “I’m here downstairs” I went downstairs when I saw her... my pain the pain that made me fall to floor was gone! I went for a walk with her...

Hahahah some how we ended up with kiwis and a cucumber that we would keep all night (inside joke) as the day ended we watched the sunset at Louvre and we walked to Norte dame just talking

and loving life when we got there we had a heart to heart and I looked Into her eyes and my heart just exploded and i had no idea until now that’s what happened...

Some how we ended up skipping down the streets of Paris and ..... holding hands we went to a bar to get shots like we always talked about and then went out to find her friends....

but we never found them we spent 5 hours walking around holding hands just looking at each other....

still so oblivious to knowing we like each other!! We walked around till 4 am and then we went back to the hostel and we rested the next day we walked around holding hands again!

And we had a talk... she told me that no one has ever bought her a rose before and looked up where flower shops were and I secretly took her there and I got her....

her first rose and that moment I realized I liked her....

I was shocked and we spent the rest of day walking around talking while secretly inside my head I was battling with myself cause I was mad.... I thought my feelings would mess this up...

we ended up at the top of Montmartre hill!

Laying down for sunset and some how we needed up feeling each other’s heart beats and I missed the sunset we had laying there for 3 hours feeling each other’s heartbeats when I slipped out ....

“I like you” she was stunned and said “it’s ok” hahah but as soon as I heard that I went down and tried I walk her back to hostel so I could leave her alone I was so hurt

but I didn’t realize that she was ist so shocked and after a few minutes she realized she liked me and she tried to tell me but I wouldn’t listen we would end up crying on benches that night....

me telling her that I won’t talk to her anymore..... I would block her...... we got back to hostel and she gave me a essay talking about al the amazing things about me....

it was 6 pages long and then I left her crying on a stairwell in st Christopher’s inn.....

as soon as I left I realized I made a mistake I ran back down the stairs but she was gone and I missed my shot...... I hurt her so much.....

I messed up so much! But for some reason she still messaged me the next day with forgiveness... even tho I hurt her....

I worked my ass off the next two weeks trying to let her know her worth and next thing you know i was dating her and i flew back again a few weeks later to see her and we shared our

first kiss under the Paris stars.... then she came back home and from July to now (January) she’s made me feel so loved and so safe....

so happy!! We’ve travelled all around the world since July she’s slept on me and made me feel so whole..... she’s the girl that makes me smile everyday....

In November I learned I’ll be going with the military.... leaving her behind..... I have a choice to go or no I said yes! for the next two months I spent more time with her .....

surprising her with a trip to Paris.. the place we met.... she cried that I would do that for her.... ever since then I’ve been second guessing it...

I’m so lost right now I have 4 days before I go to BMQ and i can’t sleep today we spent time and she cried so much... my heart broke so much I can’t imagine.

Not seeing her for long time but after I will move far away from her forever.... idk if I can do that..... am I just young and dumb in love. Or does this person deserve my heart.....

I know she does! I need her... I was so lost without her and knowing I’ll lose her is making me crumble I can’t think anymore......

I’m terrible rn! I’m crying everyday all day! I need her today when I say her was the only day in 3 days I smiled!!

She told me the same she is so sad rn and her life is just coming together but she stressed and she told me she needs me to be there for her cause I calm her down.....

but I learned I can’t talk to her au point during the day and for only 30 mins at night .....

I think I messed up! I know everyone says don’t give up stuff for girls but If i lose her cause of this idk what I’ll do..... I’m scared and so is she.....

the military is suppose to break you down and build you stronger but she did the same thing but with her heart.... she’s my butterfly and I need her

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