Usually Sometimes

Sometimes, it's best to quit when you're ahead

Sometimes, it's best not to try if you may fail

Sometimes, all you'll get out of something is embarrassment

Usually, I let that stop me

I knew probably would again today.

My name is CJ Appleton

I have brown hair, blue eyes

I go to McAlistar University

And I'm in love with my roommate

Sometimes, it's because he falls asleep on the couch

Sometimes, it's because he drives 15 minutes out of his way to go to the Chinese place I like better

Sometimes, it's because we stayed up all night talking

Usually, it's because he's him

His name is Nico Danforth

He has black hair, brown eyes

He also goes to McAlistar University

And he has no idea I'm in love with him

He's been gone for the weekend

Sometimes he spends weekends with his family

Sometimes he goes on trips

Sometimes he has to work

Usually, he spends weekends with me

He'll be home in 15 minutes

I've changed my shirt at least 5 times

Combed my hair and messed it up again at least 7 times

Stood up and sat back down too many times to count

The door opens

He's here

"CJ! I missed you!" He shouts, tackling me onto the couch

I pretend to be annoyed at his behavior

(I'm not)

"How was your weekend?" I ask, pretending to care less than I do

"It was alright. Sometimes I don't know why I go out, I'd rather have been here with you." he answers

My heart leaps at the words

He missed me?

Sometimes, I want to ask him why he's so nice to me

Sometimes, I want to ask if he's just being nice or actually flirting

Sometimes, I'm pretty sure he's flirting, but just want to clarify...

Usually, I shut up

Today, however, I decide to flirt back

"Yeah, yeah, I know you missed me" I tell him with a wink

It's probably my imagination, but I think I see his cheeks turn pink

"Shut up" He tells me, shoving me away

Only to land with his head on my lap, looking at the TV

"What are you watching?" He asks, wrinkling his nose

I hadn't payed any attention to what was on the TV, I was too nervous about him coming home

He's cute when he wrinkles his nose, though

Sometimes we watch sports together

Sometimes we watch dumb game shows

Sometimes we watch Game of Thrones

Usually, we don't watch My Little Pony

"Dude, why the fuck are you watching this garbage?" He demands, swatting me lightly in the chest

I make up a quick lie

"My show just ended dumbass, obviously I'm not watching My Little Pony" I defend

He laughs

I breathe a sigh of relief

Then immediately can't breathe again

Because he says, "I have something important to talk to you about."

Shit.

What could this mean?

"What's up dude?" I ask

Why did I say dude?

Sometimes I'm an idiot

(Usually I'm an idiot)

"So here's the thing" he starts, and my stomach turns into a pit of writhing snakes

"I've been thinking a lot lately, and I think that sometimes..." He starts

My brain is sure of the ending

'...sometimes I don't actually like you at all'

or '...sometimes you really annoy me'

or '...sometimes, I want to move out'

What I didn't expect is what he actually said

"...sometimes, you're flirting with me"

I choke on my own spit

I can feel my face go bright red

How does he know!?

What can I say!?

Will he ever forgive me?

"and I kinda hope you are, cause usually I'm flirting with you." He finishes

Wait, what?

"N-Nico? What do you mean?" I whisper, looking down at him

He sits up, facing me

"I mean I have a crush on you, dumbass" he answers

My eyes go wide, I can hardly breathe

I just stare at him

I want to say

'Sometimes I love you so much it hurts'

or 'sometimes all I can think about is kissing you'

or 'sometimes when you're around I can't think straight'

But like usual, I say nothing

"Shit, I'm sorry. " He says. "I thought you felt the same way"

Shit! He thinks I don't like him.

"No! I mean yes! Don't sorry, I'm sorry, I-" I fumble, unable to find words that make sense

Finally, I give up.

Sometimes, I overthink things into the ground

Sometimes, I'm too afraid to try

Sometimes, I let life pass me by

Usually, I don't do anything spur of the moment

But today, I kiss him

My roommate

And you know what?

Sometimes, it is best to quit when you're ahead

Sometimes, it is best not to try if you may fail

Sometimes, all you'll get out of something is embarrassment

But usually, it's worth the risk

And I can tell you, if I hadn't taken that risk, I wouldn't be who I am today

My name is CJ Appleton-Danforth

I have two beautiful kids and a loving husband

I'm a professor at McAlistar University

And I my roommate is in love with me, too