The 8 Loves of my Life
The 8 Loves of my Life lgbt love stories

aknier I occasionally remember to write things
Autoplay OFF   •   3 years ago
I realized that for as much LGBT fiction as I write, I haven't written any explicitly bisexual characters. So, here you go!
**Warning: Language, some potentially triggering/sensitive topics**

The 8 Loves of my Life

The first person I ever loved was named Jacob

He and I were best friends for as long as I could remember

Jacob was the one I sat next to on every Kindergarten field trip

The one I went to the mall with all through high school

And the hardest goodbye of leaving for college

We were friends for the most part, but we dated senior year

We loved each other the way only someone who has known you for your whole life can,

and because we'd known each other our whole lives, there were no surprises

Not that it was boring, per se

Just that I never had to wonder what his texts meant,

Or if he'd want to come over,

Or when I'd meet his parents

So I guess I'd say it was very routine

I did love him though, and he loved me

I mean we were each other's first everything

First kiss,

First relationship,

First breakup

Leaving him broke my heart

We only broke up because we knew the distance would do it for us

We'd never been apart before, not really

So I said goodbye to Jacob

And felt heartbreak for the first time

In college, I met someone new my second week there

Camilla was everything Jacob wasn't

She was wild, and unpredictable, and she drank a little bit more than she probably should've

But she brought out a new side of me,

A fun side I'd never seen before

We lasted an intense two months

With my first motorcycle ride and my first time sleeping with someone happening back to back

We loved each other passionately, in a way that isn't sustainable long term

We were dying to see each other, ripped each other's clothes off,

Then we had nothing to talk about

We broke up because she forgot my birthday

But in all honestly, maybe I forgot to tell her

Samantha was the opposite of Camilla

She was an RA in my dorm, two years older than me

She was sensible, and funny, and loved to cuddle on the couch watching Netflix

We were together the end of my Freshman year until she graduated

Samantha was my first long-term relationship,

and I realized loving someone for two years is a lot different than two months

Samantha was the reason I came out to my parents,

and she taught me that "Bisexual" was a fine label to have, no matter if I was dating a man or a woman

But Samantha had to move away for her first job out of school, and so distance killed another one of my relationships

I cried for weeks over Samantha, in a way I never had before

Zach was the first time I lived with the person I was dating

We met at a frat party right before I graduated

And only had been dating six weeks when he asked me to move in with him

I said yes, because I didn't know better

But two months later, I moved out

The habits that when we were just dating were cute

Turned into annoyances once we shared an apartment

His obsession with video games turned into an inability to get off the couch

His spontaneity turned into starting a million projects and never finishing them, or cleaning them up

His willingness to party didn't change, I just got tired of it

Plus, you can only clean the vomit out of someone's hair so many times before the desire starts to fade

But even though I stopped loving him before we broke up

That breakup was the scariest, because I was losing not only my partner, but my home

Luckily, Samantha's friend lived in the neighborhood, and was looking for a roommate

That's how I met Lillian

Lillian wasn't my roommate, she was her sister

My roommate Jenna had invited her sister to spend Christmas with us

I didn't object

But Lillian was the most stunningly gorgeous woman I'd ever met

We spent a magical Christmas together

We cut down our own tree,

Drank cocoa by the fire,

and kissed under the mistletoe

Unfortunately, Jenna wasn't as okay with my sexuality when it meant I was kissing her sister

She kicked me out and gave me 24 hours to pack my stuff

Lillian was distraught at having to choose between her sister and me

We stayed together, but her family kicked her out, and wouldn't speak to her

I tried to talk to her about them, but any time I'd mention Jenna she shut down

After five months of loving her with my whole heart

I got a call from Jenna

She was crying when I answered the phone, and I knew something was wrong

She told me that at 7:00 that morning, Lillian had taken 46 painkillers

She died an hour later

I didn't date for a long time after that

I shut down

If I thought losing the others was bad, it was nothing compared to Lillian

Because her family had abandoned her, and because mine was far away, we'd become our own family

I felt like I'd lost a part of myself

I met CJ at work after Lillian died

He supported me through the darkest time in my life

CJ helped me to grieve Lillian

He didn't push me to talk about her, but let me if I wanted to

I fell in love with his kindness first

He was so caring, so supportive to everybody

He was the type of guy who'd pull over if he saw a car on the side of the road, just to offer to help

Two years after Lillian died, CJ asked me on a date

I was terrified of saying yes, of ruining our friendship

I confided in my sister, who had moved in with me after I lost Lillian

She laughed incredulously when I told her

"CJ?" She said "You two are already dating, idiot."

It was true

We were by everything but name in a relationship already

He spent every other night at my place, on the couch

He'd take me out to dinner, or we'd go see a movie, or just hang out at home

He was acting just like a boyfriend would, minus the kissing stuff

I told him yes to the date

And asked him why he waited so long

He told me he fell in love with me the moment we met

But he didn't want to push me to get over Lillian too quickly

I smiled and kissed him

CJ proposed to me a year later

And I said yes

We got married in a beautiful church in my hometown

A place I thought I'd never go back to

We bought a house there, though

Three blocks from my parents

We were happy, for a while

But then things started to fall apart

Lillian had been such a part of our relationship from the beginning, but CJ was ready to let her go

He started to get jealous when I'd bring her up

So I stopped

But then I started having nightmares

About her, and pills and guns and blood and drowning

I'd wake up screaming her name, tears streaming down my face

CJ didn't like that either

He felt like I loved her more than I loved him

I tried to explain that it was different,

That I loved her like Christmas lights and giggling under sheets and being in a bubble

And I loved him like warm sweaters and nights on the couch and helping each other

But when I said I loved him different,

He heard less

So a year and a week after our wedding

He told me he wanted a divorce

CJ's remarried now, not that it matters to this story

But I'm glad he found a girl where he was the only one in her heart

My heart has too many people in it to say I've only loved one

Caroline is another one who fills my heart

She and I met in college, back when I was with Samantha

We were just friends then, nothing more

But she and I ran into each other in a bar a few weeks after my divorce was finalized

She was there with a date, but he left an hour in

It was clear the chemistry was between she and I, not she and him

He did mutter "Fucking lesbians" under his breath as he left

But we both just giggled

Caroline was the most 'casual' of all my relationships

I think we loved each other as friends first

We would go to the mall and get pedicures,

And end up making out in the bathrooms by the food court

We were never "girlfriends", not officially

But we did love each other

She and I broke up because she wanted to see someone else

Even though we weren't exclusive, it felt too much like cheating for me to be okay with it

We decided to stop making out, but we kept hanging out

I still love Caroline, but not the same way

We still talk, sometimes,

But my heart still hurts just a little when I think about her

Eden was entirely different than Caroline

He asked me to be his girlfriend on our first date

And asked me to move in with him on our third

I said no, this time

I'd learned after Zach

But we kept seeing each other

Eden made me feel so special, and spoiled me every chance he got

I loved the attention, but wasn't entirely sure I loved him

But after so many failed relationships, I was determined to make this one work

Unfortunately, a week before our one year anniversary, I found out he'd spent the last three months cheating on me

The feeling of my heart breaking in half told me I had loved him more than I thought I did

But by then, it was too late

On my 30th birthday, I was getting dressed to meet my friends when my phone rang

Assuming it was one of them, I answered without looking at the caller ID

Jacob answered

"Hey" He said, "I know it's been too long, but happy birthday."

I burst into tears

And was at his house that night

The next morning, I woke up in his bed

We went on many, many dates after that

Almost every day

We were both fascinated with relearning everything about each other

Jacob went by Jake now

He'd become vegetarian in college,

Had gotten married at 22 and divorced at 23,

And had given up on being an accountant,

And started his own business instead

The more I learned about Jake, the more I fell back into love with him

Jake was everything I hadn't known I'd needed in a partener

He was still the same boy who'd known me my whole life

But I now sometimes wondered what his texts meant,

And if he'd want to come over,

And when the right time to tell him I loved him would be

He said it first, though

But I kissed him first

Even as we moved in together, he kept surprising me

He was a better version of the man I'd loved

And I could love him fully, knowing that he was my first love

My first kiss

My first heartbreak

But he'd also be the last person I ever loved

(We got married a week after my 31st birthday, and have been together ever since)

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