The Witch with the Hat: Chapter 4 The Interview Process - Muggle Week Part 1

July 31st, 2018

For the love of god my brain feels like a sponge. If someone asks me one more question I am going to transfigure them into a pair of earplugs and wear them to bed!

I have never been grilled or questioned like that in my life! Today sucked, I mean sucked. All I did today was sit in front of panels and answer questions.

Half the time the questions were the same from room to room. I had to sit in front of the faculty, MACUSA, and the wizarding school board (no idea we even had one of those).

They asked me every possible question about muggle life and my experiences working in a muggle industry.

Of course they gave me crap about using the term “muggle.” Americans use the term “no-maj.” Only Brits use “muggle.” Ugg... I don’t really care.

I am muggle born and I learned the terms for non-magical people at about the same time. Muggle sounded cooler to me so that is the one I chose to use. Who cares?

The fact I am, in fact, muggle born and attended Ilvermorny while also completing online muggle high school stunned them. They asked me why I was in Pukwudgie instead of horned serpent. Why the healer instead of the academic?

Explaining that decision wasn't easy. They didn't really seam to grasp the fear students feel when they know nothing about what is going on and are expected to make a choice that will follow them for the next seven years.

Then when I brought up that I worked in a muggle restaurant (they should have known that based on my application, but whatever) they were thrilled.

Endless questions about how things work without magic. I mean hours - from after breakfast until lunch and even after.

By lunch time they were requesting my online school records from the muggle schools I attended for all grade levels, my ACT score, and my grades from my failed attempt at culinary school.

I told them I dropped out of college so that shouldn’t matter, but apparently the fact I went to muggle college at all is huge. According to them it doesn’t happen very often.

Guess that means all the times I accused my mother of being crazy and being the only parent of a magical child who makes their kid do two types of school at the same time were pretty accurate... Not that she wasn't right about it being important... but still.

Wizard parents seemingly stop caring about school once their kids go away to Ilvermorny.

After lunch there was a siesta time. Then, I was supposed to report to some kind of class.

But when I got there they said that since I had graduated from high school in the muggle world too that I didn’t need to do it.

They also told me that I would have tomorrow morning off because they had been able to secure my ACT scores and that I had done well enough to skip taking it again unless I wanted to.

I opted out of that pretty quick. Instead, I was sent to another room and asked a bunch of questions about how I spent my term breaks and what classes I took and grades I achieved while here. Don't they have my student records? Do they even have student records here?

When they found out I spent my summers working in restaurants after the age of fifteen and volunteering in soup kitchens for bulk cooking practice, that was all they wanted to hear about again.

I am beginning to realize most of the wizarding world still lives in their little bubbles that started with Rappaport’s Law. No one on that second panel had ever been to Walmart.

Not one! One of them had ventured into Whole Foods once out of curiosity, but that’s it. They are all completely out of touch with the modern muggle world.

Heck, my first year here only a handful of the richest purebloods had been tutored at home. Unlike back in the day where most wizards were taught to read and write from their parents.

The rest of us had all gone to some sort of muggle school. I bet the number of purebloods taught at home has dropped even more since then.

It really is time for a change.We can’t go on like this.

Tomorrow afternoon I will be in a room demonstrating my computer and current technology skills. No idea what that means.

Are they going to see if I can type? Or maybe drive? Ha! What if they hand me an I-phone and ask me to prove I know how to use it? That would be hilarious. I wonder if I could just hand them mine? Lol.

But if they ask me to design a website or create an excel sheet I’m screwed. I could maybe do a basic power point presentation but it would take me a while to remember what the heck I’m doing.

I haven’t had to do that in years.

I’m itching to get into a kitchen. I haven’t gone this long without cooking something since I was enrolled here. I wonder if Mrs. Atherton still teaches potions and will still let me use the cauldrons and the fires?

Maybe I’ll go down into the cellars in the morning and find out.

August 1st 2018

Not gonna write much tonight. I’m beat. I found Mrs. Atherton and she let me into the classroom. I played around a bit and was able to get some supplies from the kitchens brought in. That was fun. I was finally able to relax a little.

She was always one of my favorite teachers. She would tell me all the time that I had a knack for potions. When I told her about my new branch of magic she got really excited.

She thinks it’s a fantastic idea. I felt a lot better hearing that and spending the morning with her. I didn’t realize how much I have missed this place and being around magic users.

The afternoon was exhausting. I was put through the ringer with just about every kind of modern tech you could think of.

I was actually pretty impressed with some of the simulations they had prepared. I did everything from set up a computer, hook up cable and gaming systems. Set up a Wi-Fi router and password.

Ran through computer programs and social media that I knew (totally failed excel and web design like I knew I would). Didn't expect to need to know how to use Snapchat and Tumbler. I'm not a huge fan of social media in the first place. My aptitude with Facebook and Instagram seemed good enough though.

I had to take a driver’s test (failed parallel parking), had to work a gas pump, pay with a debit card at the pump and inside, change a tire,and then explain that I had no experience with any other car maintenance but how to jump a battery.

That lead into a discussion of what a mechanic is. I also explained that lots of people don't know how to change tires or jump cars. It's sad but true.

Then I was asked to use an I-phone and an android. I pulled my 6 out of my pocket and they let me skip that. I had to prove I could use a microwave, a snow blower, a lawn mower, a weed whacker, a vacuum, a washer and dryer, and every kitchen appliance invented since the 70’s.

Finally I demonstrated hair dryers, curling irons, straighteners, and electric toothbrushes (who the heck doesn't know how to use an electric toothbrush? Really?).

There was more but if I proved I had an account or experience using something similar they didn’t make me jump through too many of the hoops.

Tomorrow we are being put into groups based on our highest ACT section scores. They are going to start testing our strengths to see what muggle subject we should teach.

I spent a good two hours in the potions room during and after supper trying to recreate my Precognition Pesto from memory. The irony of this situation is not lost on me.

I think I managed pretty well. I wrote down what I came up with so that when I get access to my cook book I can see how close I got.