Every word that came out were not the same as inside.
There's a filter in my throat, linked to my brain, wired to my heart.
And it is as if I was faking it, which I could.
But what do you expect when I couldn't even stomach the truth?
It's a room that I'm standing in, filled with walls so I don't sprint,
Away from the reality, that I ignored all the opportunity.
They come and they go.
None stuck because of ego, at least I believed it so.
Or maybe it's the room? Made of pain and hostility?
It's stupid, that what it is.
I'm still standing, not budging.
Certainly not reaching.
Because if I do then this word would not be existing.
How selfish am I, to be assuming?
That my solution come from separating?
Like I did, when she accepted me?
Or when she forgave me?
Or maybe it's when she was chasing me like an idiot, because I was 'moody'?
No answer, hypothetically.
Childhood is awesome.
You can think and you can dream.
Because there's no voice to dictate and scream.
They found a home in my self-esteem.
Try to eradicate, even worse than they seems.
There's no one around me.
No one to care and treat.
No one to talk and joke.
No one to love and smile.
Or maybe there is? I'm still looking.
I'm lonely, or at least how I feel to be.
Because it hard to justify your emotion, when it's inflicted intentionally.
I sought to be lonely, that how I want to be.
And now I'm paying the price personally.
Because I have family, loved one around me.
And no one was able to reach me.
These walls need something powerful to break into.
Hopefully someone will come through.