So, it's kind of hard to talk sometimes.
You know, you might not be heard or even if you are, your words will probably be lost in an abyss of memories.
Mine will be lost, I'm sure.
The one who is supposed to see these is not here.
Anyway, sit tight, this is my story.
A story I have kept so dearly in my heart for such a long time.
It's not easy, it never is. But here we go...
Once upon a time a small ray of sunshine entered my room.
It shattered the darkness all at once.
Some tears slid down my cheeks, I was happy. I had lived in this darkness for so long...
This ray of sunlight was a boy.
His messages were, to say the least, uplifting.
I had never talked to anyone like that before.
He was so nice, so sweet, so gentle. He knew how to make me smile.
I told him everything.
He did the same. Even though I had never even seen his eyes, I felt like if I close my eyes I would feel his warm arms around me, hugging me tightly.
We became best friends.
I loved him dearly, oh so dearly, like that one classical song that plays on repeat on the background, and you can't help but love it.
We grew closer every day.
It even reached the point I was addicted to his words, to the smiley faces he sent me.
And then bam.
I had a bad day, and suddenly closed the window. The sunlight never entered again.
I took out all my anger on him.
I was such a mess, such a freaking mess.
I hate myself.
How could I ever do that to anyone? If I show my love like this, how do I show my hate?
Was that really love?
He did everything he could to make me feel better. I shut him out every single damn time.
When he was offline, I sent him a silent thank you.
He never saw it. The next second the chat bubble was popped, and my message was to be lost forever.
I waited for so long. I texted him again and again... Telling him everything, apologizing.
He never answered.
I didn't sleep in days after that. I cried all night. Such a mess.
I still am crying sometimes.
I'm still a mess.
And all I wanted to say... All I want to say...
Is, that I'm sorry. So, so sorry.