When we are young we create this person that is perfect in our mind and dream someone we want to be with forever.
When we are teenagers we feel like every relationship is going to last forever and like we are always in love.
Nothing compares to your first true love. It doesn't matter if you are in college, single, dating, married. Nobody compares to your true love.
You were the one I confided in when I had nobody. When I was a troubled teen so sad, depressed, suicidal, always drinking, or cutting you still stood by my side and let me know you were there.
When I couldn't grasp life, my thoughts, or understand my pain you were there just a phone call away.
When I just needed someone to listen you were there all ears not saying a word until I got everything off my chest. The craziest part of it all is that you were miles away in another state.
Even when everyone was around me they couldn't comfort me, but the person miles away could make me feel worth it and valued.
Everything you did was perfect like telling me I was going to be okay, you loved, and cared for me. Your face, how you would take the initiative to just leave a text to say I am thinking of you or you loved me.
Remember the long night talks that lasted hours and barley getting a few hours of sleep, but it was worth it? Remember talking about school, my friends who loved you because of how good of a person you were and how happy you made me?
Remember the phone calls during class inside of chemistry? Remember ROTC? Remember all of the Skype? Remember the first time we met at that cheesy shady hotel. Remember picking me up on the greyhound and I stayed for a while with you.
Remember kissing in the rain? Remember our first fight I loved it you may ask why, but because you got off your car and got on your knees to put on my shoes even though I was crying and sitting on a curb.
Do you remember the closeness and love we had for one another. You were perfect for me and I messed it all up and I am so so sorry. You always put everyone before yourself. Your love was perfect and I let you go from being too afraid to wait and because of the distance.
Ever since you and I haven't been together I've been in relationships that were physically abusive towards me, I've put myself in situations from drinking that led to someone taken advantage of me sexually.
Ever since you I have dealt with people so needy, clingy, insecure, who dont trust me for no reason, who manipulate me, take advantage of my kindness, and who smother me.
Ever since you nobody compares to you and how perfect I had it. I am sorry for messing it all up. Just know I loved you.
Nobody compares to you. We had big plans together, pregnancy, first daughter's name Annissa, marriage, how many kids , pets, everything.
You are there and I am here. I will never make you leave your family for me, and you won't make me leave my family for you. I am happy as long as you are okay, living, and doing the things you love.
I just want you happy and pray to God he brings you love, comfort, wisdom, and a life you always dreamed of. These are some of the things I think about when it comes to you.