Still be missing you

Hate is a strong word.

I strongly dislike the holidays, the celebrations, the birthdays that happen.

I miss having you by my side.

Sometimes I think that I will see you there at gatherings.

I am fooling myself because that is a big lie.

I miss your face.

I miss your touch

I miss your smile and the way you look at me.

I miss your touch and the way you used to kiss my forehead just to say iloveyou.

I miss your laugh and the stories you would tell.

It is hard to look at your picture and just stare at it.

Yesterday I came across a video of my tata and my sister.

His voice put a knot in my throat and made my stomach turn.

His smile, his jokes, and his voice made me miss him.

It made me miss him because at that point in time he still knew who I was.

The cancer didn't take over yet.

He was still here with us.

Many people think that you got this, you will be okay, you are strong.

Don't get me wrong I am a strong girl who has been through hell and back and continue to push myself to deal with the struggles life throws at me each day, but....

Losing my Tata by far is the worst pain I have every felt.

When I see people with their families or their grandfathers I cannot help, but to get jealous or it instantly makes me sad.

I hate watching people take others for granted like they will always be there.

I was always taught cherish everyone because you could walk out the door and who knows you could pass away.

I understood that more when my Tata passed away.

I always think about him.

Father's Day was really tough to handle and I am in a funk.

I miss my Tata and it gets hard to handle.

Happy father's day chango Iloveyou and I miss you always. Until we meet again or until I see you in my dreams.