I'm a 25 year old girl who identifies as a female and who is lesbian.
When I was in middle school I always had crushes on my friends that were girls, but they were boy crazy at the time.
I remember thinking is something wrong with me? Why don't I like boys? Is it because they are smelly? Is it because they are flirtatious? Maybe the right one hasn't come? Hmmm....
I couldn't seem to understand. I hated it because growing up in a Catholic school your whole life you are taught it is a sin to be gay or lesbian. I always hid my true feelings. Girls were so dreamy. Their hair, their bodies, their make up, their sweet personalities. It was everything I wanted.
It just felt normal to like a girl. I was always that girl that would prefer to wear basketball shorts and my Nikes because that was me. I was that girl playing soccer or basketball with the boys at lunch because I could easily keep up with them.
I was that girl who would stick up for the girls when the boys would tease or simply flirt with the girls.
In 8th grade I had a boyfriend for 1 week and it didnt feel right at all. It felt uncomfortable to me. He tried to hold my hand and I felt bad because I felt nothing. I didn't like it so it did not continue I ended it.
In high school my freshmen year my parents found a note in my backpack to my girlfriend at the time. She was a junior. Again I went to a Catholic High School.
To be brief my family did not take it well. They told my principal and vice principal the news. It backfired on them because there was nothing they could do about my sexuality.
I felt punished. I got my phone taken from me, the laptop was strictly used for homework no social media, I could not talk to my own girlfriend.
My mother got a job at my high school and would walk me from class to class. That was embarrassing and uncomfortable. I got caught plenty of times trying to say hi or hug my gf. I was forced to end the relationship and my parents told her parents.
I grew heartbroken and depressed. I felt alienated away from everyone especially my family. People who were supposed to love and support me through everything. I fell to be extremely suicidal in my teen years. My parents took me to counselors, therapists, and took me to priests to bless me and eat blessed bread from church to try to change or heal who I was.
I fell to alcohol after high school was over and tried to drink my problems away every opportunity I got. I felt like I put myself through abusive relationships all the time because I was so eager to just find attention or what I thought was love, but I was wrong.
Instead I caused myself a lot of hurt and pain. This increased alcoholism in my life. My parents and I were not close anymore. I would get in verbal altercations sometimes also physical ones with my mom. I felt like it was the end of the world for me.
I felt sad that I couldn't be me as a Lesbian just another human being loving another of the same sex.
Drinking got worse and I put myself in situations which caused me to get hurt. Let's just say each day I work and remember what happened to me and I am a strong woman who has survived this life and someone I thought was my guy best friend taking advantage of me caused a lifetime worth of damage I will always have to work to heal.
I started therapy again especially since I was drinking and driving. When I was around 22 years old that's when my parents and family decided it was time to be there for me for who I was not who they wanted me to be. They decided my life and safety was more important than their opinions and how they were raised.
I got the help I needed, I am still a human being, I make mistakes all the time, I go through my depression every now and again, but what is important is that I have my family who love and support me for who I am.
They do not care about how many tattoos I have, they do not care about my piercings, they don't care about my haircut, or if I am with a woman. They care about my success and safety.
I am blessed to say they accept and love me for me.
It took time for this to happen, but I wouldn't want it any other way.
I am proud of myself.
I don't see myself as different, but unique.
I love being lesbian.
I love to love.
I have a big heart.
I am a proud member in the community.
Always remember you are not alone and many others have experienced some of the hardships of being accepted.
Remember to be honest and true to who you are.
Don't try to make others happy because you will end up miserable.
Know there is a community to offer nothing, but love and support.
Happy Pride Month to all and I am proud and happy to be who I am. #ProudLesbian ❤❤❤🌈🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈👭💍💍