My life is a mess
My life is a mess mia stories
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aalderete55
aalderete5526yrs lesbian writing caged feelings
Autoplay OFF  •  a year ago
Grief

My life is a mess

One good thing happens and the bad always follows along.

I woke up on Saturday early morning and had this urge to go to the cemetery and visit my Tata to show him my cap from graduation since he couldn't be there.

As I drive up to the cemetery I see my nana and nina already sitting at the grave instantly I knew it was no coincidence.

As I walk with my cap they began crying uncontrollably. I hold back my tears and the huge knot in my throat and just hug them both very tightly.

My nana asks me, "did dad tell you?" I replied, "did dad tell me what?"

They both looked at each other in silence and began to cry. I asked what happened? They said last night Mia died. When we had spoke to you on the phone at work she was dying, but we didn't want to tell you then.

I hugged them tighter and they unfolded in my arms and cried. I felt their hearts breaking in my arms and I knew there was nothing that I could do or say to heal them.

The day after my graduation the family dog died and that was all I could think. I thought every time something good happens something bad trails behind. She was not just a dog. She was spoiled, had outfits, different collars, snacks, treats, shampoo , etc. She ate the same time we did on her special plate and it was warmed in the microwave.

She greeted you at the door when you arrived and kissed your hands to say goodbye when you left. On graduation that was the last goodbye I had from her.

As the time went on we finished praying. We cleaned my Tata's head stone and brought food to eat with him as it was his favorite. We begin talking about Mia and what happened and somehow the conversation switched to talking about my Tia.

They had mentioned her cancer is back and is all over there is nothing they can do other than make her feel comfortable. My heart hurt.

I was in shock with all this grief and I blocked it out because I am not sure how I will do. As my nana, nina, and I depart I go have lunch with my gf's family. They wanted to treat me for graduation.

I get there have a shot and 2 drinks I was already emotional. I am looking at the menu and the song Stand By Me plays. My Tata always would play it and sing it on the guitar to my family all the time. Every tear and every sigh I held in finally unfolded. I lost it. I had a meltdown.

I excused myself from the table and walked outside fast so they wouldn't see me cry. I called my nana and was crying on the phone explaining what happened.

After that I thanked her for listening to me and she wished me a blessed day.

Saturday I got messy and drank. I knew not to drink when I was emotional, but it felt good to not feel just for a second.

My gf knew I have been dealing with depression more and more as the days pass. She invited all my friends together at my favorite place Dave and Busters and it was so perfect.

The love and support they all gave me I was so happy.

The night went on and I was gone I just remember dancing the whole night with friends and getting home to rest and never wanting to see or hear about alcohol ever again.

Sunday comes and I visit my mom. She mentioned that she just got back from the hospital. I asked , "why?" She asked, "you didn't hear about your cousin?" I replied "no what happened?"

She said, "he isn't doing well his liver and kidneys are failing. The machines are doing most of the work to keep him alive right now. He most likely won't make it past 24 hours.

All I could think was this was the best yet saddest weekend ever.

Monday comes around and I visit my Nana. Mia would follow my nana around when she would pray or clean around the house and keep her company especially after my Tata died.

I am here in this empty and quiet house. It does not feel the same. I hear sniffling and bags moving in the other room. My nana is cleaning all of Mia's stuff out of the doors so my Nina does not have to go through that pain.

I walk in and take the bag out of her hand and just hug her tightly as she cries. I feel her tears running down her face onto my chest. I feel her depression, her grief, her pain, her loneliness, her every emotion I feel.

I pack all of Mia's things her outfits, bowls, plates, her hygiene products, and all. I tell my nana to rest.

All I can think is this will be hard to watch my family and their hearts break while we go through grief all over again.

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