I am beginning to wonder if this is all worth it.
Am I just in this relationship because I don't want to be lonely?
I don't think I'm in love.
I have felt love before.
I have been in love before.
I just feel like I am here.
If it is not one thing it is another.
I'm tired of the bullshit.
I'm tired of the fights, arguments, and tired trying to understand the personalities that fall out of line.
I don't understand people's way of thinking sometimes.
Things to me that are common sense or reasonable people don't do or think the same as me and sometimes it drives me nuts.
I am not sure what to do other than just be submissive and continue living the life I know.
I don't think I am happy, but just going through the motions of life.
I do better independently alone and by myself.
I know how to be or how to survive without people.
When others are in my life they bring me nothing but stress and anger because I have to worry about them and the situations they cause me or put me in.
Alone I have control of myself and I get to dictate what happens.
I feel like I am trying to push forward so things like go to school, work, make a family, get married, but truthfully everyone is immature and not on the same page as me.
I am done trying it is too much.
I am not even happy anymore.
There is nothing special about this. I cook, I clean, I am the one here. I don't get random gifts or flowers.
I have to beg for things to get done like dishes or to sweep or do laundry. There is not initiative or desire to do things without me asking or becoming so frustrated on the verge of tears.
I love to sing and dance and feel in the moment and free. She doesn't even like to dance or let alone with me. I hate seeing couples be happy and dance it is like communicating in an intimate language and I can never get that.
It is hard when you are raised differently. There has to be somewhere in the middle to meet, but I don't feel like we meet in the middle.
Maybe we don't leave each other because we are scared to lose each other or scared to be alone.
When she is with her friends she can be happy and do that all day when I am gone, but as soon as we are together we are a disaster.
I already feel like I am 2nd in the relationship and like her marijuana is more important.
If you can leave your gf alone all by herself just so you and your friends can "go smoke" that's some shit. It proves I am not anything. If you are that comfortable to not care how it makes me feel after I Express to you that it bugs me and you still do it, then maybe you don't deserve me.
I think it is so childish.
I have left someone in a relationship for letting marijuana take over and made me feel less important I can always do it again.
I am over this shit and I am going crazy in my mind.