Drinking brings my demons to life

When I consume large amounts of alcohol my demons come to life. I unlock the gates within my mind and my heart and everything is unleashed. It is a dark place that everything is dangerous.

I lash out in anger by attacking the people who mean most to me and tell them hurtful things that are not even close to being true. I push the ones I love away from me becsuse I want to be alone and hurt by myself because nobody understands.

The morning after I feel like the biggest jerk, I feel depressed, empty, and so ashamed I just want to stay in bed all day and not do anything.

When my demons come to life I become emotionally drained. It has been a long time that I have unleashed all of my demons and I am not proud of my words or actions. I wasn't being safe. Thank the Lord I didn't run into traffic.

I hurt my wife and my really good friend through my hurtful words. I'm sorry. Maybe I need to talk to somebody because this incident came out of nowhere. This was the old me and I never want to go back to that.

Everything was fine life was okay. Yes I was having some ugly dreams, dreams about some of the dead clients that passed away from addiction, and I am not sure how to handle it all when I can barley think about death and be okay with it.

I just need to pray to God and talk with someone about my issues but I refuse to let my demons run my life. I may be in a crisis at this point in my life, but I am not defeated. I will continue to pray to St. Michael to cast all those demons back to hell and give me piece of mind.