Death changes everything that you are.
I lost my Tata 9/21/15 an exact week from my birthday.
It still feels so unreal.
I miss his voice, him calling me "mi changa"...
I miss joking with him all the time and him laughing so hard he would make himself cough....
I miss how we would hide around the corners when one of us would walk down the halls. We would scare each other and when I would do it he would grab his heart and say "oh you little shit" then laugh about it.
He loved to eat and eat with family by his side I miss those meals when it felt complete.
I miss when I knew during gatherings you were going to be there and get excited to see you.
I miss the stories he used to tell me and the family about his own life and about when we were babies.
He would cry when he would talk about his mom and his childhood he had a hurtful one....
He talked about how his faith saved his life and brought all of us blessings in his life and I believe him.
He taught me how to be humble.
He taught me how to be kind even when someone doesn't deserve it.
He taught me to appreciate things in life and to not complain.
He taught me if I am complaining why? Have I tried to solve the problem before I feel so miserable?
He taught me to have faith even when everything seems to be going wrong.
Even when I just want to give up or be sad my Tata doesn't let me. There is a blessing through disguise that always seems to happen.
The closer it gets to my birthday I become more and more sad.
I just want to stay in bed and not get out of it and thats what I have been doing lately.
I am becoming short tempered.
When others complain I am over it because I have my own issues to deal with too.
Right now I am being selfish to try to be better in my mind.
I just miss my Tata and I want him back.
Just to see his smile and feel his hugs that would be amazing.
Death changes a person's life forever and how they view people in the world.