As each day comes I have many distractions to keep my mind from thinking. There is work, school, internship, family, friends, girlfriend, social media and more.
When it becomes time to go home and wind down, I drive home and blast my radio so I can't hear my thoughts completely.
I park my car, lock the doors, and I unlock the house to walk in. I lock the doors behind me and set the alarm. I change into comfy clothes, turn off all of the lights, plug in my charge and rock salt lamp in.
I see her lying in bed snoring away, I grab her hand and say hey love I'm home and ask do you need anything? She shakes her head no. I grab holy water and I bless her first and I bless myself second.
I lay in bed and it's like time freezes still. I feel the energy rushing to my door. The thoughts and feelings are banging screaming let me in asking me why don't you pay attention to me anymore.
I block them out and pay them no attention for they only cause me hurt and pain.
Every time I pay attention they only give me a heartbreak. So here I am laying there with 2 am thoughts should I block them out or let them in.
Some nights I am strong enough to keep them out, but some nights I let them ruin me and let them in.
I play it so well that I am okay, but it will all be fine one day. I'm a strong girl, I know I got this, that's what I tell myself anyway.
Nobody sees the pain, the anger, the rage, the depressed feelings, that cry deep in my soul.
Even though I dread death I know I will be peaceful once I'm back home.