Ramblings

Here I am waiting,

looking, searching, listening,

for a sign.

That this wasn't a waste of time.

Here I am doubting,

comparing, over-thinking, stressing,

I think that this may have been a waste of time.

Tell me something good. Tell me now,

before fears and questions begin to storm and thunder in my mind,

forming an imminent cloud.

Before the voices screaming choices take control and rein over my thoughts and cast looming shadows over my

steps towards you.

My head falls heavy onto a pillow of lies and deception,

Graced by a blanket of good intention.

Dreams become nightmares become insomnia become late night coffee refills and dark circles forming beneath

the windows to my soul.

Wishing to hold your hand,

Hoping to someday understand

Why nothing seems to go according to my meticulous plans.

Someday becomes never becomes tomorrow becomes "I'll catch ya later"

How did I get here

Who is this person I'm staring down in the mirror?

No body knows her.

Neither do I.