21:09 thoughts
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_deepthoughtz_
_deepthoughtz_Pouring my soul out.
Autoplay OFF  •  5 months ago
Feeling the claws on my body Slithering their way up into my head

21:09 thoughts

Feeling the claws on my body

Slithering their way up into my head

Fear building up inside of me

Too much pain to bare

My spine is shaking

But I can't move an inch

Feeling glued to the wall

I give myself a pinch

I open my eyes to a wide hallway

Memories flood back to high school

Uniform, hair up, heart racing

I am not ready to take the fall:

'She's an embarrassment'

'I'm not strong enough'

'She should just give up'

I hate what I have become

There is a white door

I travel forward into adulthood

A never ending nightmare

Failed dream I've never understood

Is it trying to teach me, tease me?

Make me change?

Ruin me, scare me?

Make me take the blame?

I am talking and now shouting

But nobody hears

Nobody turns around

I try to hide the tears,

'What's the point?'

'No-one is going to see'

'Stop trying, they won't notice you'

Taunts are all I'll ever reap

Every day I am playing catch up with myself

Trying to find out what's wrong

Reflecting on every word, every action

Figuring out where and to whom, I belong

It's a type of drowning sensation

I want it to go away

The clasp around my neck, loosened, unlocked

Now a painless pain

My speech fails, fades out

Unsettled, forgotten, running out of time

But the words can't find a place to stay

I wish I could say what's on my mind

Sometimes my vision goes blurry

My breathing slows down

I do it on purpose, quietly

I try not to make a sound

Taking the pain away

Giving myself the drug

Falling asleep quickly

Honestly, I really couldn't give a fuck

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