so yeah- this is gonna be kind of a vent post
unless i dont post it bc i rather not share sad stuff with people, i usually try to be happy and chaotic but sometimes i feel weird like i've done something or someone's mad at me.
right now i kind of feel that way but at least i have a banger song playing <3
i try and use humor to cover up how i feel, if im insecure (lmao i always am- but not the point) then ill make fun of myself and try to make people laugh because i feel like that's the only thing i can do to make people happy at that point.
that's really bad for me to do, but it's funny so- it be like that
yes i'm doing it again, it's just i dont talk about dark stuff that much. i never do, i just keep it all inside and deal with it on my own.
i dont want someone to think im doing this for attention so i dont tell anyone how i feel.
if i do it's for a joke like when i say "i will cry" i wont, because i think it's weak to do that, and also just because it's kinda funny.
and if someone is crying, i do feel bad and i think it's good for them to be able to vent/show some sort of feelings.
i just really hate myself and i think others deserve better than i do.
i mean it's true, i dont like how i look (that's an understatement, i absolutely fucking hate the way i look <3) i dont like how my voice sounds, i dont like who i am.
but i can't change it or commit aliven't because i dont want to make people sad, so i just deal with it and sometimes i feel better.
when i talk to my friends
when i listen to music
when i draw
when i play games
i forget how i feel. when im alone and everything's silent, it comes back. so i just try and distract myself.
sorry this was a rollercoster, i just wanted to vent somehow.
also i have pizza, no mo sad. my posting will still be the same, i feel better now <3 but it just passes. i promise i wont actually kill myself, it's just thoughts.
i have things to live for and if you feel the same, so do you. if you dont care about yourself, others do.
get help of some kind, and everything will get better, maybe not now or in 2 years, but it will be okay :]
i love being the therapy friend, this shit great. /s also pizza's bussin. "no woman no cry" gamers (i felt like adding it bc it's the greatest line in history)
also i learned i dont even have to look down at my keyboard to type, im snazzy bitches <3
bam sad time over, ty for reading ig. take care of yourself gamers <3