ᔕIᒪEᑎT KIᒪᒪEᖇ
ᔕIᒪEᑎT KIᒪᒪEᖇ poetry stories
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__martaxo
__martaxo I am the designer of my own catastrophe.
Autoplay OFF   •   15 days ago
𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘮𝘺...

Your mind can sometimes be your safest place, as well as, your worst agony. We struggle to get up in the morning, we struggle to fall asleep at night.
Fearing that there might be a monster under our bed, we fail to realize that the true monster is inside our head.
Feeding away at our sanity. Making us go insane. Causing our bodies to slowly fade away...

ᔕIᒪEᑎT KIᒪᒪEᖇ

I'm disappointed in myself...

I promised you I wouldn't give up.

I promised it would only hurt a little while but...

I gave up.

I gave up and drifted further and further away from the shore.

So far so that I didn't even realize I was drowning...

Until it was already too late.

Until I was flooded by my every mistake.

The mistake of not sticking close to that shore.

The mistake of forgetting about my goal, forgetting about not being able to swim, and drowning away with my soul...

It's cold here.

I'm alone.

I have disappointed you.

My one and only friend.

I broke my promise to you.

Now there's nothing I can do.

Why did I give up?

Why didn't I fight?

I feel like I tried but it wasn't enough.

I'm broken.

I'm hurt.

But not as much as you...

My broken promise has broken you.

The heart, so full of hope, filled with so much regret.

The mind, so full of light swallowed by all the dark.

The body so strong lost all its strength, taking its last breath, remembering the promise It held.

I destroyed your ability to fight...

Now all I can do is drown...

Drown in my disappointment...

I'm disappointed in myself.

Unable to swim back up I begin to call out for help but...

I'm unable to make a sound...

Once again I fall to the ground.

My inability to call out for help leaves me alone.

But I'm used to this loneliness,

Not sharing my pain with anyone but you...

The one I broke my promise to.

You open my eyes and make me see...

See the reflection of who I really am, not who I say to be.

I see a hypocrite.

A criminal.

A denialist.

Like a sadist feeding themselves on others' pain, acting blind pretending not to see...

The pain I've caused around me...

Then attacking away at anyone who would do the same.

I'm disappointed in myself...

Disappointed that I failed to see...

What kind of a monster has become of me...

But the one I have hurt the most is you, the one whom I broke my promise to.

You held my hand and led the way when I couldn't see.

You gave me warmth when I was consumed by all the cold.

You refused to let me go, even though everyone else chose to let go.

But now it's you who needs my help...

Your different something has changed.

You're no longer holding my hand.

I can't see.

I'm lost in this darkness unable to sense your lead.

I can feel the cold creeping in behind me.

It's once again slowly beginning to consume my soul.

I can no longer feel the warmth of your hand.

I can feel you letting go...

But you can't just give up, you can't just stop fighting.

Says the hypocrite within me...

Without realizing I was the one who gave up first.

I chose to drift away so much so I drowned...

And now that you've made the same choice, I still try to keep you from drowning.

Even though you made no promise to me, you still chose to drown with me...

Why?

Well, I guess it's true...

There is no me without you...

Like, fire without oxygen the body is unable to live without the mind...

And me the mind, without realizing the monster I became, I hurt you...

Causing you to slowly fade away...

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