It’s been a while since we’ve been together, and I’m grateful and blessed to have made it this far with you.
We are loyal to one another and hold great respect; our sense of humor is stupid but on point, and we know our flaws like the back of our hand. Yet... What I hate the most is when you aren’t your usual cheerful self.
It drives me mad, and it makes me stress. I’ll ask you what’s wrong and you’ll tell me it’s nothing. I don’t push or stress at it any further, because if you say it’s really nothing then I’ll take it as if it really were nothing.
I know you don’t normally stress about much besides work, but today... ...today you seem off.
My mind begins to race and I get irritated while in thought. 1.) I’m a pretty cruddy person. 2.) I know I don’t show you much of my soft side with this somewhat sarcastic tongue and snarky personality. 3.) I’m pretty fucking negative and I tend to overthink.
4.) I feel like I’m dragging you down but you keep insisting that I’m not. 5.) I’m certain all these reasons is why you’re so weary. . . . Sometimes I wonder why you’ve chosen to even settle with me.
There are way better fish out in the sea, y’know?
...how selfish of me to over analyze things and assume. . . . Maybe it really is nothing and you are just tired. The usual.
Damn. I’m used to being the Debbie-downer. Not you.
The feeling of this distance bothers me. You always tease me. We always laugh and crack jokes together every single day and night.
You also keep saying I won’t miss you if I ever choose to leave. Yeah, I know you’re only kidding. ...it’s not funny though.
What you don’t know is... I’m afraid you’ll grow tired of my pessimism and leave. But you will never know that, because I’m too stubborn to say such cheesy things when it comes down to it. One day I will...just not today.
I don’t hate myself for being like this, but I loathe the fact that I over analyze everything even when being honest. The distance between us tonight is hurting me for the very first time—I don’t know why, because this has happened before—but I know you’re probably hurting more than I am. Probably.
I will wait for you to come to bed tonight. I want to wrap my arms around you and take in your subtle musky scent. . . . I know everything is okay, but I can’t help it.