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            "description": "\n تمر الأيام والشهور وانا كالحجر في مكاني لم أتحرك شبرا واحدا. أوقفتني ذكرى رأيتها منذ مدة لكنني الأن استحضرها لسبب او بدونه، لكنها في خاطري منذ رجوعي الى هذا العالم . \n\nذكرى كنت أتعايش معها قبل؛ لكنها الان أكبر و اقوى من ان أتحملها.\nمرت علي كطيف أبى الا البقاء معي. كنت اظن انني محصن ضد تلك الترهات ، لكن لسخرية الأقدار ها انا ذا اواجهها و دفاعاتي قد خربتها بيدي، وهدمت حصوني وقلاعي، و قمت بتصيف الحراس في اجازة مفتوحة. فكيف لي بالصمود امامها ؟ \nهي فكرة ! على ما اعتقد. لكنها أسوأ كابوس رأته عيني قط. \nفكرة ان تبقا خانعا مستسلما مكسورا فارغا من كل المشاعر، بدون روح ولا قلب ولا هدف يبقيك على قيد الحياة . \nتستيقظ كل صباح بدون همة ولا ارادة لفعل أي شيء . تجلس لطاولة الافطار ولا شهية لديك، تقضم خبزك بصعوبة وترشف رشفة من قهوتك بكل قهرة فتفضل القيام من عليها. \nتفتح خزانة ملابسك وترمي على جسدك المهترئ  اي شيء لستره من أعين الناس. تخرج من بيتك وكل تفكيرك حول الثمان ساعات من العمل كيف ستمر؟ \nبعد شتات ساعات الدوام ، تستجمع ما تبقى منك و تذهب الى مكانك المفضل او سابقا ؛ فالان لم يعد لدي اية أماكن مفضلة. اجلس الى حاسوبي الذي رافقني لأكثر من عقد من الزمان. الوحيد الذي لم تغيره الحياة. الوحيد الذي أحب الجلوس اليه والتحدث اليه . لكن تلك اللحظات تمر بسرعة البرق وتجد نفسك في سريرك للنوم فيوم اخر ينتظرك ليمتص روحك ببطئ شديد . كأنك تعذب.\nان تكون مكسورا داخليا هو اسوأ ماقد تواجهه في حياتك فلا توجد أية طريقة لمعالجة دالك الكسر. الا الموت. فما هو داخلي لا يمكن معالجته الا بشيء داخلي. \nوأنت في عقدك الثالث. تتوقف عن السير لتقييم انجازاتك فتجد انك لم تفلح في أي شيء. لا شهادات دراسية ، لا عمل تجد فيه راحتك، ولا تخطيط ناجح ؛ تكتشف أنك ضيعت 30 عاما من حياتك في لاشيء!  . فتقعد محاولا أن تستدرك قليلا مما فاتك فتجد أن الاوان قد فات ويتوجب عليك استغلال فرصة العشر سنوات التي تبقت لديك وانت قادر على العمل في فعل اشياء وددت لو فعلتها سابقا. وكمحاولة اخيرة لاصلاح ما عطلته رياح الاقدار في جسدك، وبث بعض النور الذي اطفأته سنين عمرك، وانعاش روحك التي تكاد تتوقف عن العمل، تبدأ بالبحث عن رسالتك في الحياة لعلك تعرف سبب وجودك هنا. \nلكنك لن تجدها لانك دائما ماكنت تتجاهلها وهي امامك؛ فلما يأست منك رحلت ببساطة.\nفتجد ان الوحدة هي رفيقتك الى قبرك. \n",
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