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"description": "\n لطالما أردت الهروب, وددت لو أن باستطاعتي ترك كل شيء ورائي و أركض فقط لا يهم الى أين, المهم أن أبتعد. للكن شيئا دائما ماكان يوقفني , هل هو الخوف من المجهول أم الخوف من ألا أجد ما يشفي غليلي, و يطفئ نيران غضبي. غضبي من ماذا أصلا؟ ربما هو بسبب طيبتي أو بسببي سداجتي أو ربما لوفائي واخلاصي للكل؟ دون الالتفات الى كل اولئك هل يبادلونني نفس الشعور؟ أم أنا الوحيد الذي مازال يعيش في زمن غير هذا الذي نعيشه ؟ فحتى الذئاب تبرأت من أفعال بني ادم.ربما سعي لجعل كل الناس سعداء ولو على حساب سعادتي أنا. فدائما ما كنت ذلك الصديق عند الشدة واﻷخ عند الفرحة والحزن, فأنا معتاد على أن أكون موجودا في كل لحظات أصدقائي الذين لم يعودوا كما كانوا ... هي سداجتي وسبب شقائي, فلو كنت أنانيا فقط ولو للحظة لما ألت الامور الى ما الت اليه اﻷن. في كل لحظة تمر علي الا و ذاكرتي تعيدني الى أيام الماضي حين كنا وأكررها "كنا", كالجسد الواحد . كأنها تعاتبني وتعاتب غبائي, لماذا غصت في أعماق العلاقات مع البشر؟ الم تكفيك تلك اﻷيام القليلة التي أمضيتها معهم لتعرفهم على حقيقتهم.؟ ألم يكفي ذلك اللكم الهائل من الأحاسيس البشر ية السلبية؟ ألم يكن بامكانك أن تداوي جروحهم دون أن تؤدي نفسك؟ أيها الغبي .... أوصيتك أكثر مما يوصي اﻷب ابنه أن تكف عن التدخل في حياتهم وتركهم مع أقدارهم, للكنك كالمعتاد لم تصغي الي ولو للحظة, فتهرع كالمجنون ان وصلتك رسالة من أحدهم مهما كانت ماهيتها, حتىى أنك لتفرح بشدة ان جاءك شخص ما محطم فتساعدهم على الوقوف مجددا, هو يقف وأنت تسقط. لست هنا لانبش الماضي أو لأعاتبك , كل مافعلتهكان جيدا , فالجزاء من جنس العمل. للكن ما لم يعجبني هو طر يقة تصرفك ومقاييسك الغبيةالتي تقيس بها الأمور,وهذا سينتهي ولو على حساب وجودك . كل ما أطلبه منك أن تتغير ولو قليلا, اعطي نفسك فرصة أن تعيش كما تريد, وتستمتع بكل لحظة, أوليس كلهم مستمتعون ؟ أو على اﻷقل مرة في اليوم؟ أولست أنت من يوصيهم بالابتعاد عن الحزن؟ فلماذا أراك أنت الحزين وهم السعداء وأنت الخاسر وهم الرابحون ,انت الساذج وهم الاذكياء؟ فبربك أجبني ؟ سئمت النظر اليك ,انت تذبل يوما بعد يوم, وتسقط أوراق شجرة عمرك ,وأنت مازلت شابا, سأمت النظر الى تجاعيد وجهك النحيف, هم يزدادون رشاقة وتشتد حبال وجوههم ,وأنت حبالك ترتخي . أفق يا قلب اني أحدثك, ألم يكفيك ما مرر به بسببهم وما مر عليك في غيابهم ؟ ألم يأني لك أن تنظر الى الأشياء بعقلك لا بقلبك؟ ألم تستوعب الدرس بعد؟ ألست أنت من يقول أن الدنيا سراب فلا تأمنوها ؟ فلما أراك متشبت بال سراب الى هذا الحد؟ ألست أنت من يقول كل من حولي سراب خادع يدعي حبي و صدق مودتي ان صفى عيشي فما أكثرهم, عجبا أينهم في شدتي؟ ألا يكفيك التيه والشتات الذي أوصلت اليه نفسك؟ الا يكفيك معرفة أنك وحيد بلا أم تحن عليك وتعطف عليك ولا أب يرعاك؟ اﻷ يكفيك كل هذا ؟ ألم تصل بعد الى دروة خيباتك ؟ الم تفقد نفسك مرارا وتكرارا في سبيل أن يجد الأخرين أنفسهم؟ ألم تتجرع معهم ألامهم ؟ ألم تمسح دموعهم برقتك؟ ألم توفر لهم من وقتك حتى تشعرهم أنهم أهم شيء بالنسبة لك؟ ألم تخخبرهم أنهه يستحقون أن ينظر اليهم أحدهم و يقول في سره أنتم كل انتصاراتي؟ فمن هذا الذي سيقول في نفسه عنك هذا ؟ لا أحد, وصدقني ان قلت لا أحد, فأنت ترى ظلالهم فقط , ,و لم تر وجوههم التي تتبدل كل حين, فتأخد شكلا مختلفا عن الأخر حتى لتظن أن لديهم مئة وجه. لكل موقف وجه, ولكل زمن وجه ولكل مكان وجه ولكل شخص وجه, أريدك أن تركز على الاخيرة جيدا , البشر يغيرون أقنعتهم حسب الشخص الذي أمامهم. كفاك غباءا واستغبائا, كفاك تضييعا لجهدك ومشاعرك, كفاك تضحية بحياتك من أجلهم, فهم لن يعرفوك أبدا. هاأنت قد ابتعدت سنتين وماذا تغير ؟ لا شيء حرفيا لا شيء. فقدت نفسك وظفروا بأنفسهم, أضعت عمرك في الخيال بينما كانوا منهمكين في الاستمتاع بوقتهم. ضيعت عقلك في التفكير فيهم بينما هم شغلهم الشاغل المستقبل. لا وقت لديهم لك. لا أحد يبالي بوجودك أو بغيابك, أنت بالنسبة لهم فقط رمز أخضر في تطبيقاتهم . ان أضائت تلك الدائرة أخبروك أنهم مشتاقون اليك وان انطفأت تنفسوا الصعداء لأنك لم تججبرهم على السماع لحديثك. ألست أنت من قال لي أنهم يستحمرونك و يقدمون اليك أغبى الأعذار ؟ ماذا تنتظر بعد ؟ أنت تعلم أنهم بدؤوا بالرجوع الى الخلف في علاقتهم معك وأنت تحمل ثقل السير بها وحدك, هذا لا يعقل , هذا ضرب من الجنون , ألم تفهم أنهم ماكانوا ليقولوا لك ابتعد , بل سيشعرونك بعدم الاكتراث لعلك تفهم الرسالة فتنزاح تلقائيا والا سيقوموا بتضييق الخناق عنك حتى تملهم وتقولها أنت , وعندها ستصبح أنت الشرير وهم الاخيار\n\n\nأفق يا قلب و يا عقل فأنت تفقدني عقلي.\n\n",
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